sigh.

I know no one reads this which is why I'm posting this on here and not on my tumblr. Sometimes I still get sad. When no one else is around and I'm all alone in my room. I know now that I'm better off without him. I don't want to be with someone who so easily cheats on girls. My dad cheated on my mom a million times and it's just the most hurtful thing you could do to a person. I'm sad that anyone has to go through that.

It just sucks having to randomly run into him. We live in the same town. And even though I've been dating.. a lot I still feel like I don't trust any of these guys. I just feel like they're all going to cheat on me. Leave me. I mean even a couple weeks ago he was still contacting me even though he's suppose to be in this loving relationship. It just goes to show you that you can't really trust anyone.

When I ran into him at Target I wasn't sure what to do. I wanted to slap him. I wanted to yell at him in front of his mom. and maybe a lil itsy bitsy part of me wanted to just let it all go. But I still can't. NO matter how hard I try I just can't let go of how he treated me. He always acted like he was so much better. A better boyfriend. But in the end it was all a lie. I don't know if he ever loved me. Or if I was just his eye candy. Some girl he saw as a challenge because he wanted to take me away from his friend. I do feel as though I lost a piece of myself. I'm not as self assured as I once was. I don't know if I'll ever be the girl I was at 18.

It affects everything. Every guy I've dated I dropped after like 3 weeks. I have a very short attention span. I sabotage everything. I stop texting. Or I just freak out on them. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just need to be alone, but I can't because I get so damn lonely.